Just The One, Then?

It's the way of our society...

New boyfriend?    Lovely.    When are you getting engaged, then?
Engaged?    How gorgeous.    When are you tying the knot, then?
Newylweds?    So romantic.    Babies soon, then?
One child?    Cute.    When's number two, then?
Two children?    Sweet.    When are you going for the third, then?


Heck, I subscribed to this very script myself.


I know it's not personal, but people seem a little preoccupied with my single child situation.
Preoccupied as in sometimes downright obsessed with bullying me about little brothers and sisters, cluckiness and pregnancy detecting.
People as in friends, Hubby's family, playgroup, work colleagues, school parents, the local chemist, our lovely friend at the local IGA, the sweet lady in line at the bank, the guy next to me on the rower at the gym, the Mums at the park, neighbours....

Walking back from the local shops with Magoo the other day, I found myself chanting :
Everywhere we go-o,
Everywhere we go-o.
The people want to kno-ow,
The people want to kno-ow.
How we a-are,
How we a-are.
And where is the ba-by?
Where is the ba-by?

What baby?

(Here's a tip for free- if I thought for a second I was hosting another gorgeous little person in this bod, I would not be pushing it to it's limits for a marathon, would I?)

I absolutely love kids. Always have.
I'm not opposed to having more children.
I certainly don't rally against those who have two, three, seven children.
But why do people feel the need to cheerlead me into another pregnancy?

It doesn't hurt (or enrage) me as those folks who made smart comments and questioned "what are you waiting for?" did -  while I was undergoing fertility treatment before being blessed with Magoo. But it does get me a little defensive at times.

I guess, super sensitive Shar feels that they're insinuating there's something wrong with my family just the way it is. I agree wholeheartedly in the beauty of siblings and am well aware of the drawbacks to being an only child. I am one of three (living) children and love my sister and brother aplenty. I know the statistics regarding maternal age too. But I also know my family.

Sometimes I feel the need to remind people that Magoo is all of two years old, not twelve, and that I have just turned thirty (for a couple of years in a row now - hee hee) and am not quite in my golden years either.

At other times, I'm the one almost apologising for having this one 'easy' child right now. I often feel inadequate as a Mum and that I am so, so inferior to women with more children. I love caring for other people's kids and helping out where I can - but I also feel that it's my duty because "I've only got the one."

I know I can be too hard on Magoo when it comes to my expectations of his social behaviour - and it comes from hearing people discuss 'spoilt only children'. Around other Mums, I even feel guilty that at this time in our life I can enjoy my time/outings with Magoo and that I'm not forever complaining about "my bloody kids" or spending my day yelling.

Hubby (The Unflappable Man)- he takes great pleasure in responding to people's enquiries with a simple, smiling "we don't want more kids." I just about radiate embarassment as their faces register this social faux pas of his and try to work out whether to laugh along, be disgusted, give him the 'joy of kids' lecture or just walk away.

I have many friends trying desperately to expand their families but, unfortunately, Mother Nature is being a little difficult or even downright cruel. Some people I love are unable to have even "just the one" yet. Why do people feel okay about remarking on such a personal choice and issue without having a clue what the reality may be?

Yes, we have probably been a little scarred by Magoo's illnesses, allergies, little birth defects, surgeries and hospitalisations. Yes, we are probably held back by finances and me having no family in this country. Yes, I remember too well how my obstetrician was engaged in some extensive needlework following Magoo's arrival. Yes, we are more than possibly sitting in a comfort zone right now - enjoying our now healthy, happy little man. And yes, there are also people who have lived through far, far, far worse and have huge families.

Who knows what's in store for our little family?

But I do know that if it is meant to be "just the one, then?" that's okay wth me too.

(Apparently not with the people though.)

Does your family fail to meet the expectations of 'the people'?

Shar :-)

Yes, Mum of Only One