Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Trusting Goodness

I have a seriously strong desire for balance.
A quest for fair.
A need for things to be square and symmetrical and right.

Life - real, smelly, vivid life - is none of the above.
None, whatsoever.
I know.
And mostly, we're all the better / stronger/ appreciative for it.

But...
Sometimes I get bogged down in the injustice, the unfairness of it all.

Why oh why oh why would such beautiful souls be betrayed by their fit, healthy physical bodies?
Why would a young, innocent girl be catapulted into a foreign world of oncology, fertility issues and hospitalisation while her friends lament a broken fingernail and obsess over the latest tunes?
Why would an actively 'clean' living woman be forced to endure the absolute horror of a miscarriage or stillbirth and then be subjected to walking past a number of dependent women smoking and rubbing their beautiful, big, healthy baby bellies as she heads home with her grief - and leaves her naivety behind?

Sometimes I (mistakenly) think I am the arbitrator of happiness.
I get mystified and depressed that the happiness is not being 'fairly' dispersed around here.
I tend to think I can 'have a word with the management' and sort it out.

When I watch a beautiful friend being knocked down repeatedly by blow after low blow from the universe - I struggle to comprehend. I struggle to keep the faith.
When it comes to those I love, I forget the 'big picture', the 'valuable life lessons', the 'strength we never knew we had' business and I just want to cry foul.

Living Juicy, SARK 2000
Then sometimes, like yesterday, the world turns the right way up for a while.
The universe, my God, whatever you want to believe plays fair and the news is incredibly fabulous.
I went to bed last night so, so smugly satisfied and elated.
I'm giddy with pure joy for my friend who deserves this. She so deserves this.

But then doesn't everyone?

Why isn't there enough happiness and good fortune to go around?
Who's hogging it?

Shar :-)

10 comments:

Toni said...

I know just what you mean. Life isn't fair, and I don't quite know why we think it should be. Yet we all seem to have this in-built Justice Radar, even from a very young age.

YAY for your friend. Whatever happened, I'm glad for her. :)

Anonymous said...

When it 'hits the fan' always fortunate when you have strong, supportive and understanding friends to pick ya back up!Like you.

Yay to your friend too!

Karla {Ironmum Karla} said...

man o man you have been very philosophical this week...(I hope I spelt it right Miss Shar).

Life is strange and all that higher power stuff just boggles me. Happy days to your friend;)

Mama of 2 boys said...

I'm not sure I've ever actually told you this Shar, but you're a brilliant writer. Such an emotive post on so many levels. I'm happy for your friend too, sounds like she is finally getting something she truly deserves. You're a wonderful person Shar :o) xo

Nat - Muddy Farmwife said...

This is so very true Shar. I get very worked up over such things as these, then every so often a light shines and I feel all is right in the world again - until the next injustice!
Beautiful writing Shar.

Thanks too, for visiting my blog.

Sonia @ Life Love and Hiccups said...

You are right, sometimes life sucks dogs balls lol. I am glad things turned around for your friend Hun. Notch that one up to good Karma I would say.
You do write so beautifully. Xx

Alex aka WHOA MUMMA! said...

I agree with Mama of 2 boys - you are a fabulous writer!

I think we just have to believe in karma and that good things will eventually come to those that deserve it.

Kate Sins said...

Yep, jumping on the bandwagon with Alex and Julie... You take me on a journey every time I read a post.

Life is so unfair. I get so bogged down in all the misfortune people suffer and can sometimes barely find my way out.

There certainly are some fairness/happiness hogs and sadly most of the time they don't even realise it.

fsmum said...

It does seem that some people get all the bad luck. It does seem that some people have lives filled with misfortune and tragedy. When I hear of one rotten thing after another happening to someone or their family, it certainly makes me wonder. I wish good things for you and all the commenters here.

Jane said...

Oh Shar, you gorgeous girl. You really have a beautiful way with words. I *get* this post, You know that. Bravo for writing it, my friend. J x