In the annoying way.
I'll apologise to a motionless mannequin, a fellow path user, every player on the opposition and all of my own teammates, the grumpy teller or idiotic driver - whether I'm in the wrong or not.
It's irritating to be around.
Sorry.
But the real apologies in life, an actual admission of real guilt/resposibility/error - that hasn't come easy.
I'm from a long line of obstinate non-apologisers.
It's in my blood to stubbornly persist or deny involvement.
(See how I deflected the blame there?!)
It's taken many years of de-programming this wiring to seperate humility from connotations of weakness or failure.
I'm a work in progress but I'm proud to say (without apology!) that I now generally acknowledge when I've mucked up.
I fess up and I 'do' the confrontation/take it on the chin thing I've avoided for so long.
From the little ones like "whoops that was me who left the back door open" to the biggies like "I wrongly completely disregarded your wishes" I'm a-retraining all the time.
This week I was a tad hasty.
I took the bait.
My hackles went up and I gnashed my teeth a little when someone took a tiny little swipe at my cub.
I pressed 'send' when I know I should have walked away.
Nothing serious at all, but enough to compromise my own standards.
So, I heated up that humble pie and cut me a big ol' chunk.
Ate two whole pieces - one after the other.
And it tasted great.
Neither person (yes, I did it twice!!!) was particularly offended, but man, did I walk taller and step lighter after looking them in the eye and admitting that I wasn't proud of my tone. After conceding that I'd directed my frustration in the wrong direction and that I was genuinely sorry. (Not to mention embarassed.)
I'm grateful for the grown-up somewhere deep inside that is developing.
I know she's in there.
Linknig with Maxabella's 52 Weeks of Grateful.
Shar :-)
8 comments:
"I pressed 'send' when I know I should have walked away"... oh I know that feeling and you've worded it perfectly, Shar. I also had a chuckle at your 'annoying way' apologies.
I've been lucky that it's in my nature to just accept when I'm wrong and try to make amends. I have never worried too much about 'face' or admitting fault. As a consequence, I've never realised how hard it is for others to do this, so your post has been a real eye opener. It's so brilliant to see things from the other's perspective. Thank you Shar and thank you blogging! x
Well done Hun, that lumpy old pie is a hard one to swallow. I don't have too much a problem with apologizing, my problem more lies with actually seeing I was in the wrong in the first place. I can justify pretty much anything, so there's an area I need to work on a little more. Xx
OMG you have balls of steel. Big shiny awesome ones.
x
I love your introspection and humility, Shar. Bravo you, my friend. J x
Apologising doesn't always mean you're saying you're wrong, it means you value your friendship more than your ego. It's wonderful that you are focusing on being able to say sorry Shar, it's not easy.
Ha Ha! "I pressed send when I should've walked away." I did the same thing this week. Ah well...it happens to the best of us. I'm learning to apologize and act like a grown up too. It sucks sometimes but it's nice to know I have the ability burried deep inside of me. ;)
'I'm from a long line of obstinate non-apologisers' Ha! I know that all too well (thanks Hubby!). Good on you for facing it head on though. And don't worry, I've been there with the email thing too.
x
I love this, it's like perfection, to accept & be the bigger person, sort things out rather than let them get out of hand. Wow, it's powerful. Personally i find blogging has really helped this, as it's often a 1D communication without hand gestures, eye winks & tone . . . readers let you know - but i figure they either don't get me or need to get a life, i hit delete rather than bait & send. Good on you for working on it.
Again, like perfection, we have an audience, children are watching & i often do the old "silly Mummy" routine with guilt admissions to show my children it's so totally Ok to scream "WRONG" admit it, life goes on, it's just a better life when we accept our faults, we're in the wrong OR the best - when we're right & someone else admits they're sorry!! Ahhh, love Posie
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