Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Is Exhausted the New Depressed?

I wroted this last night with no intention of hitting 'publish'...

You may have noticed the tone around here is a little negative lately.
(Hmmm. You should've read the stuff I didn't publish.)
I'm conscious of it - but this is my space.
When the space between my ears is in a mess and the space in my heart is heavy - it's difficult to stop it from translating into this space.

There's a million possible reasons I've hit a wall - as have so many other people all over this wonderful world at this very moment.
Yup - worse things have happened to nicer people.
It's just been a crappy few months in some areas of my life
(just the little, inconsequential ones - marriage, family health & work).
There's also Winter, 'post marathon depression' apparently, finances, toddler taming and hormones if I'm looking for any other cards to play the blame game with.

I'm not Superwoman (or Superwoman's big toe), but I may have tried to be.
My cape has ripped, my boots don't fit and I feel way too fat for the stupid lycra suit.
Superwoman can shove it.

So, there has been enough thinking, overthinking, over-overthinking, wallowing and crying around here.
Time for some positive action - once I've thought about it a tad more.

Whingy, whingy, whingy, blah, blah - come to my pity party please!
(So glad I didn't publish that, hey!)

Aaaannnd - this morning I did me this...

That there is the result of a dodgy old printer and two tickets to ride.

I stopped waiting for the million excuses to evaporate, stopped waiting for the 'right' time and booked Magoo and I tickets to go home to Ireland.

My Mum's health is in a state. A worrying state.
A worrying state half a world away.
We have been waiting for specialist appointment after specialist appointment to ascertain just when 'they' would operate on her heart and now 'they' say that the surgery is too risky. Mum's heart wouldn't cope on the table for the length of time required.
Medical catch 22, I guess.

So my Mum needs family and, in truth, I could do with a shot of the vitamin f too. Single parenting doesn't seem to be my bag and it sure ain't agreeing with Master Magoo.

Hopefully a little hometown Jerry Springer style medicine will be just what the doctored ordered for everyone!

Like removing a band aid - fast and furious is the tack I'm taking. We leave Sunday!! Aaaarggh!!

Shar :-)


Miss Mandy said...

Good on you. It's true, when stuff is happening with your family and you're not their, its so hard and you feel torn.

Even though your mum won't be better, you'll feel better being there.

Don't be too hard on yourself, your right it is a crap time of the year to run, it's hard to get motivated, that's ok.

I love my blog for being able to express how I feel and when I'm feeling down the support I receive, it's wonderful.

We'll all still be here when you get back.

Mama of 2 boys said...

Oh you poor love. You most certainly should express the way you feel and never feel guilty about blurting it all out here or anywhere else for that matter. I know how you feel and I'm sure everyone has been there, so feel free to let it out hun.
Wow, that is exciting that you're off to Ireland, albeit for some difficult reasons. I hope you're able to use the opportunity to decompress a little. Take stock and think about things from a different perspective for a while. Sometimes the change of scenery does help. Enjoy the time with your little Magoo and remember we're all here to listen if you need to vent anytime :o) xo

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Oh Shar, I hope you feel the light again soon. Exhaused, depressed, run down, blue - It's all horrible no matter what way you try to spin it. We're here for you girlfriend xx

MaidInAustralia said...

Darling, I'm glad you have this space to share. My parents live about five hours away in the country (longer if there's traffic or roadworks, or the kids are carsick!) I know how hard it is to be so far away when they need some family, love, or just some support. I hope things go well for you ... and that you get some much-needed sleep and good news. xo

Teresa said...

A trip home to see your Mum in Ireland sounds like just the ticket!

Corinne – Daze of My Life said...

Take care lovely lady. You don't need to apologise for feeling down.

Blogging is the BEST kind of therapy, or at least I think so. So write it out.

A trip home sounds like just the tonic for both you and your mum. xxx