Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thank You For Listening To My News

Thank you for listening to my news ... on national television.

It could be my age, my hormones or my S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) kicking in (I'm wearing socks to bed for sexy's sake), but...
I am becoming super irritated by the redundant questioning on t.v. shows such as The Biggest Loser, Masterchef and on various supposed interview panels.

"Do you want to win the title?"
Why the hell would they be here if they didn't want to win the title?
"Um, actually, no. I've seen how well that Shannon Noll guy has done for himself, so I want to come second."

"Would it mean a lot to you to win that prize?"
Well, they've told countless lies to get on the show and are willing to stab everyone else in the back to get ahead, so I'm guessing yeah.
"No, I am just so delighted to have the opportunity to blubber and bitch in front of a national audience, reducing the likelihood of being taken seriously by anyone in my life and massacring my current career."

"Has this experience changed your life?"
Unless it's 'The Truman Show 'or 'Groundhog Day' we'd have to assume a) yes, thank you Eddie.
"Well, I'll never get these thirty seconds back, will I?"

Even my primary school students are well versed on open vs closed questions, not punctuating every sentence with "yeah?" - and the sophisticated interview technique of listen to the response every now and then.

Now Andrew Denton.
What a man.

Not only did he (singe headedly) quell any anxieties about bub's possible flat head syndrome getting in the way of success, but he knows a thing or two about questioning.
He knows how to draw the suckers in, make em feel real comfortable, even divulge a few secrets of his own, poke a little fun at himself, give them enough rope - and then shut the hell up while his prey hang themselves in a national forum.
Guess that's why he titled his talk show 'Enough Rope'. Ku-ching moment here.

There's some journalism out there that's bordering on the standard of question time during daily newstelling with my Year 1 angels.
(But obviously, nowhere near as abhorrent as question time at Parliament Zoo.)

The inevitable sweet first question following any student's news - regardless of the subject - is "doo yuoo liiike iiit?"
Yes. Of course they like it. Why would they have chosen to wrestle it from their little sister's grasp, conceal it from Mum's eagle eye, lug it all the way to school in their undies to show it to you if they didn't ruddy well like it????

Then, of course, little questioner number two follows with the mandatory "wheere dooo yooou keeep iiit?"
Well, in their knickers obviously, or else Mum whips it back into it's rightful place in her 'special drawer' or their sibling's bedroom.

However, the mind numbing monotony of news time is occasionally peppered with fantastic little moments of hilarity that make all that 'speaking and listening' worthwhile for teachers.

Seeing items like pink fluffy handcuffs found in Mummy's room or cute little books such as those found in Mummy's tampon box innocently paraded in front of us is an instant lift.
Definitely news worthy.
Or hearing the tales of the Mums & Dads poker night when all the Mums ran down the street in their bras, stories of accidentally thieving things, of road rage or home hair colours gone wrong - these can all brighten the day of a frazzled, tired teacher.

So, parents and carers, please don't edit news too much. Let little Johnny bring in Daddy's speeding fine if he wishes. Think of the teachers, often forgotten in the newstelling chain. We hang on these gems some days. Like one of our students who was asked to share one of Jesus' parables with his class. He replied - genuinely - "like one powerball and I'm outta here?" That gorgeous kid had me smiling for a week.

I urge you to sponsor a teacher too. One pearler like this could sustain an overworked teacher for days.

And pleeeease don't write it out for them. If I can barely read your writing, your beautiful child who can't grasp a white dot reading book doesn't stand a chance.

Thank you for listening to my news.
Now you say "it's a pleasure, treasure."

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