I'm on a mission.
Firstly, you would think I had it in the bag - what with my cute toddler and really well behaved dog??
I don't get it. Strangers in our suburb are quite taken with my sweet looking toddler and beautiful wonder dog. I know because they stop us and tell me.
They don't take one look, run away and book the next flight to China for pete's sake!
Maybe China has fantastic breasts?
Maybe China doesn't talk excessively?
Maybe China didn't drink too much champagne and fall asleep on the front step after THE wedding on the weekend?
Maybe China offers regular cooked meals, a maid service, laundry service, accountant, cheer squad and personal assistant... No wait, that's what I offer. :-)
Granted, Hubby is 'working' up there - or so I'm told - and I've never been to China, so I haven't even scoped out the competition.
I've certainly never hosted an Olympic event - unless procrastination and overthinking are to be included sometime soon. So, Beijing may have a leg up there.
From extensive 'Skype vision' the place looks fairly dull, grey, industrial, crowded and sunless. (Ok, well that's mainly the skyline.) Which makes my defeat all the worse.
Nobody wants to be left for the mousy cardigan in the corner. If you're outdone it may as well be by the buxom, twenty year old bikini model - which I imagine would equate to Bermuda, Bahama, Cocomo (or any other Beach Boy lyric) in geographical terms.
Then again, the experts at Lonely Planet (http://www.lonelyplanet.com/china) tell me that China is a "mesmerising, most populous and culturally idiosyncratic nation" filled with "loud, garrulous and quick thinking people".
I'm sure I could be garrulous - if I had a clue what the heck it meant?
Hey, just looked it up - and whaddaya know - I am garrulous!
1. excessively talkative in a rambling, roundabout manner, ...
I'm told (by my pals at Lonely Planet again) that she's no longer considered cheap, China.
But there are 3,219 things to do.
I guess that's why he stays for weeks at a time then?
I'm pretty sure I could find 3,220 things for him to do here.
Starting with cleaning the pool, oiling the deck and mowing the lawn.
If anybody's been up there, or better yet hails from China, I could really do with some insight.
I'm sure I could lift my game, but I don't know where to start.
And I really don't have the energy for making 'modifications' that won't win me this series outright.