Thursday, August 18, 2011

Did Not Finish

For every little thing that divides Hubby and I, there are far bigger things that unite us.
Like our common fears.

Apart from the valid ones about our family, Hubby and I both fear the
D.N.F. (Did Not Finish.)
Each year, Hubby competes in the Avon Descent and other paddling/ surf events around the place.
If you do not complete the race due to injury, damage to your craft or just sheer lack of guts, beside your name and race number appears a DNF.
He has never acquired one of these in the years I have known him.
Standing on the side of a river or on a beach finish line, I can absolutely guarantee that if my man started the race he will cross that line.
Sometime today.
If we owned a greater proportion of our home than the bank does, I would happily bet our house on it.

Unlike Hubby, I loathe the DNF in all areas of life, not just my sport.
I can't handle a mental DNF next to my name - even in terms of doing the dishes!
Mental being the operative word here.
I really didn't fancy having to take maternity leave halfway through a school term - a bit too similar to a DNF for my liking.

When it comes to running, I would (stupidly) rather drag my sorry self over the line and pay the physical price than suffer the personal humiliation of a DNF. I can feel my cheeks burning at the thought of it happening. In the lead up to the marathon, the notion plagued me.

On that morning, before I had crossed the start line, let alone the finish line I knew I was, without a doubt, completing a marathon that day.
Stubborn trumps pain. Every time.


Must. Not. Stop.
What's this? Yet another damn marathon reference?!
 This year, I have not entered the Perth City to Surf.
Not so much because I don't believe I'll finish it, but because I wouldn't finish it with pride.
A DNFWP, I guess!

I am running at the moment. I'm loving running at the moment.
But I'm not training.
Q :What sort of 'runner' doesn't run their own city's City To Surf when they're
    perfectly capable of doing so?
A : A runner who's head is not there.
I'm not committed. Not focussed. Not particularly interested.

Right now, I'm running for pleasure.
After all the pressure and intensity of training for the marathon a couple of months ago, I'm hitting the road happily, listening to tunes, accidentally singing out loud and enjoying the feeling. No analysing my run, no setting goals, no overthinking - just running. I've been forgetting to start my lil Baby G. Because my time doesn't matter.

Bewteen our recent travels, getting back on top of work commitments, attending to a neglected homestead, manic birthday party season and pulling my little family back to the happy place we were in six months ago, I've got other priorities right now.

Yes, the sentence above bears a striking resemblance to a list of excuses.
Here's another.

I feel that I've had my quota of 'selfish' time for the year and have been hard core lucky enough to achieve some of my personal goals. It's family time now.

And that's ok.
Mostly.
I will feel a twinge of something on the morning of the City to Surf.

Buuut, I'll run my own run early and be back to take Magoo to a friend's birthday party.
Where I'll try to look ambivelent while trying to gently cajole and coerce him into having a ride on that damn pony they're having!

Shar :-)


2 comments:

Peggy said...

I love that you've chosen family time over personal time even though it's something you really enjoy. Also great you're enjoying running without the goals. Good for you!

Mama of 2 boys said...

You know I get this Shar, I really get this. Obviously I am a small time runner, I do it to enjoy it and feel good and stay fit etc... but I like this notion of the DNF, because I feel the same way. But with that notion, comes pressure and it sometimes takes all the enjoyment out of the experience. I know if I ever took on a marathon, I would HAVE to finish it too. Just 'trying' doesn't cut it. I hope you enjoy your own little piece of City to Surf on the day. You can rest easy on the competitive side for a long time with that marathon completion under your belt :o) xo