Friday, February 4, 2011

Burlesque or Bust

What does this word mean to you?
To my immature, naive mind it conjures up - boobs and lots of them.
Fleshy, voluptuous, womanly, curvy breasts.
Think Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera, Kardashian types.

I would put a photo here to illustrate my thoughts, but have wanted to only use my own images on this blog.
Hence,  a photo would be beyond disappointing.

So when I was invited to a 'Burlesque' themed hens night I felt fairly ill equipped.
The mirror reflects a rather deflated, sorry excuse for a chest these days.
I'll spare you the details, but let's just say  if this were primary school I would happily leave the medal and take the chest to pin it on.

Anywho, off to the Burlesque night I went without the buxom bosom and cavernous cleavage I would have liked to accessorise with.
It was terrific. Laugh yourself stupid, go with the flow, forget how you look terrific.

We were an eclectic bunch and most of us didn't know more than a couple of the other girls but by the end of the night most of us were 'bosom buddies' (some less endowned of us, just buddies)  - and it wasn't just the acohol as it was a 'school night'.

After a couple of bravado building champagne sangria our gorgeous Burlesque hostess "Dakota Peaches (if you don't mind) explained that we were going to do the Charlton themed dances with her.
I breathed a little easier as the 1920s Charlton style took a bit of the pressure off 'sexy', however it sure blew 'uncoordinated' wide open!
We were each asked to select two cards which together would give us our own 'Burlesque name' for the evening.
(A bit like when you created your porn star name with streets & pets all those years ago)
I was 'Cookie Maddock' and our beautiful bride to be was 'Madame Bubbles'

We began with a hula hoop competition and jiggled ourselves around the place.
Oh yeah, big fail there - I'll take the 'lack of curves' excuse again please.
Then we were taught some of the basic Charlton poses and dance moves.
It was like teleporting straight back into high school dance class - just with the pleasure of a champagne to take the edge off the humiliation.
I scurried for the back corner and silently thanked the groom to be for the terribly ineffective outdoor lighting.
We dutifully followed Dakota Peaches and her "5, 6, 7, 8"s and regularly exploded into fits of laughter at our own efforts.
I was definitely feeling more 'slapper girl' than flapper girl' as I pounced about!
We learnt (using that term loosely here) a couple of routines and performed (using that term even looser) them for each other when we could stop giggling and falling around laughing.
We also did some chorus line dancing (yep, loosely used again) as a group and I would like to publicly apologise to any toes that I maimed in the process.
My little group (self entitled The Sweet Treats, thank you very much) even managed to incorporate a few signature 80s dance moves like the sprinkler into our 20s themed finale!
So, boobs or no boobs, I had a brilliant time and I'm sure all of us now have some wonderful moves to freak our partners out with at the wedding.
My personal favourite was the 'scarecrow'  (complete with  hideous bowed legs and sky high elbows) which featured heavily in our small group efforts.

If you're looking for a fun girls night or a seriously good belly laugh, I highly recommend the Sugar Blue Burlesque girls.


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