Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'm Doing It Wrong... And Loving It

Caution - baby talk ahead. You may want to click away.

Alternative titles :
 'Confessions Of A Second Time Mum'
'Feel Free To Judge'

With only two children under my belt (literally - I've the scars to prove it!)
 I'm no expert.
But, I have read, listened to and tolerated many an expert in the last four years.
(Hey, I may even have thought I was one in my pre children years.)

According to many of the experts on childbirth and motherhood,
I am doing all the 'wrong' things this time round.

For some reason though... I feel freaking fan.tas.tic.
For some reason though ... my beautiful girl is feeling fan.tas.tic.

My Magoo is a godsend and such a joy in my life - but our 'beginnings' were tough.
(Tough, not tragic. I am most grateful for that.)
Until last week, I didn't truly realise just how tough.

I delivered Magoo naturally - and suffered some, ahem, serious repercussions as a result.
For quite some time.
(The delivery and the repercussions.)

I persistently breastfed Magoo through incompetent nipples, ridiculously low supply, his infant reflux, oversized adenoids, a throat condition and an allergy to cow's milk protein.
Neither of us enjoyed the experience.
But I agonised when it was recommended that Magoo be put on a prescription formula.

I let well meaning (I assume?) advice from left, right and centre
drown out my own instincts when Magoo was unhappy and unhealthy for months.

I was treated like the anxious, neurotic mother that I very nearly became 
 - until I finally met the right specialists and a simple surgery changed our lives.

I suffered on through pain, splints, OT and repeated cortisone injections in both wrists brought about because my baby needed constant comforting and settling.

Blah, blah, blahdey, blah.

I wouldn't change the history and incredible bond Magoo and I share for the world
- but I won't let the expectations of others dictate the decisions I make for my family any more.

My Missi was delivered via caesarean on the advice of my ob - and to my relief.
It was a fabulous, moving occasion for Hubby, myself- and evidently Missi.

I had hoped that breastfeeding would be different (and just a smidgen successful) for us this time around
- but it has taken a nosedive.
A blistered, excruciating nosedive.
Despite the gorgeous olive complexion and dark hair - my Irish genes are shining through.
Sister can drink...and drink...and drink.
The milk bar here couldn't meet the demand and has outsourced supplies.
Missi is drinking formula.
We are both enjoying the experience. Immensely.

I refuse to be brow beaten by the 'right' way of doing things and am intuitively finding my way.
I am in awe of the intense, comfortable connection I feel to my little girl
and am brought to tears by how beautiful these early days have been for us.

At this stage, it appears all the wrong ways - are the right ways for my family and I right now.

Apologies for any offence caused. None intended.

Shar :-)


Lou said...


Karla {Ironmum Karla} said...

HI Shar, Missi is such a cutie, good on you for standing up for yourself...I was bottle fed from birth as were many others around my age bracket and we turned out ok;) Dont feel like you have to make a stand - we just do our best.x

Shelley said...

By god Missi is cute!! CUTE! All I can say there is no Erin way or right way for the matter. Whatever works is my mantra.

Lou said...

Ok, apparently blogger didn't want me to elaborate on that comment, but I will anyway!

You are amazing, and doing the best job by little Missi and yourself. Happy mum = happy bub, am I right?

Big loves xx

Shelley said...

*Erin?? right way!

MultipleMum said...

Oh welcome to the world Missi! Such a gorgeous thing. You sound happy and like you are very comfortable with your choices. Whatever works I say! Look forward to reading more of your adventures x

Kate Sins said...

She is one beautiful baby!! Though hardly surprising given her genes.

I kinda go with the idea that whatever you're doing, no matter what it is, as long as it's the correct thing for you (because as my Maternal & Child Health Nurse said early on - mum is number 1 priority for she holds everything together) is the right thing to do.

Revel in your gorgeous confidence. Isn't it lovely second time round?! I wanted to scream F-you to all those people who told me what I 'should' be doing first time round!!

BabyMac said...


My Mummy Daze said...

Congratulations Shar on your GORGEOUS grinning, Missi! Right way, wrong way or every way, I mama has to do what a mama has to do to get her through!

So thrilled to hear of her safe arrival xxx Fi

Farmers Wifey said...

My Lovely, you are doing all the right things because she is smiling. And you looked amazing when she was born, how dare you!


Mama of 2 boys said...

I LOVE that she really smiling, at 1 week old?? Amazing! I'm so happy for you Shar. It sounds like you have found your groove beautifully & it is so wonderful that you have experienced a very different, very positive, birth & first week this time around. Happy bonding Hun xo

sascedar said...

the right way is the one that works for you and that beautiful bebe. end of story. make peace with your path, move through it with love! :) happy newborn days to you, sarah.

Wanderlust said...

Aw, I love this. What a gorgeous, gorgeous girl (and mom). I love that you are relaxed and listening to your instincts. For the record, I also had a cesarean and then a VBAC (and hated the VBAC - it was traumatizing). I also tried and was not able to breastfeed either child. We have to work with the biology we have and what's right for one mom/child will not be right for another. Love that you feel at peace. x

Coal Valley View said...

Second time round is soooo great, for exactly these reasons you mention. I swear there is a sign on all Mum's heads the first time around that says "I'm a first time Mum, please confuse me, cause great anxiety, give unsolicited advice, beat me up and undermine my confidence!" Good on you Shar, so happy for you and your gorgeous family. Enjoy! Mel xx

thisistracy said...

if there was a right way, wouldn't everyone being doing it? Nah, no such thing! Enjoy every moment, you are both gorgeous!

Amanda said...

She is adorable!! The only 'right' way is what is 'right' for you :) Only you know that and a happy Mum who loves her bub is all that is important xx

Penelope P. said...

I am so with you!! My son now 19 ! Was agony to feed, eventually I gave up and felt like I was poisoning him with every bottle! With my daughter I used nipple shields, she didn't put on much weight ..was on antibiotics at 6 weeks for a chest infection- where was all my immunity being passed on to? I soon started formula feeding, my husband was able to share in that lovely feeling of a contented ,just fed baby, and had a wife who wasn't continually on the edge of hysteria at the prospect of the next feed! Reb was such a happy baby! I don't think it's affected them too much in later life-son at uni doing dentistry, daughter had great gcse results and I am really close to both of them. So carry on enjoying your baby without all the angst this time! With love Penny L in Dorsetxx

posie blogs Jennie McClelland said...

Oh she's beautiful & so much is coming from your natural calm, you wanted this so badly. I had 4 easy peasy babies, deliveries, breast feeding, new borns then they slept through the night from 3 weeks, no one wanted to hear about it or believe it, not even nurses at the clinic were they were measured & weighed. I was made to feel like i was aloof or in denial, honestly, they soon realised i was just cruising & not afraid to embrace it. ENJOY the easy happy baby, you sure deserve her. Love Posie

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Hey girlfriend, there is a right way and it's the one specific for you and your Missi. You are doing fab x

Jane said...

Oh Sweetheart. I am so thrilled you've found your groove. Second time around is so much easier. Relish every second of it, Shar. J x

Maxabella said...

I'm just so apply to read about a content mum and baby, Shar. Clearly you are doing everything right!!! x

Mother Down Under said...

What a perfect little girl!
And obviously you are doing everything "right" since you both are doing so well!

Visiting from POTMC.

Sarah @ Chantille Fleur said...

Good for you and for your bubba!
She's very cute btw :D
Sarah xo

ps popping over from POTMC <3

Just Martha said...

That is a wonderful photo! Enjoy!

Jane said...

Thanks so much for linking this up with the POTMC, Shar. I love it just as much the second time around! J x