Friday, April 15, 2011

Toddler Training - of the lesser known kind

Is your partner overseas - deeming you house bound in the early morn?
Do you go mental without a daily dose of exercise induced endorphin action?
Do you have a family (and a life) that mean you can''t (and don't want to) spend hours slogging away in a gym?

I have got the programme for you.
Call it Shar-bo, Shar-fit, Shar-Mills , Pathetic- whatever...
All you need is a gorgeous toddler, some floor space and a few handy items that I happen to have on hand.
(Decent attire and a professional photographer are definitely not among these).

Warm Up :
  • Cuddles in bed (theirs or yours) with the aforementioned beautiful toddler.

Phase 1 :
  • Set toddler up with breakfast. (The paper towel place mat is an 'anal optional extra'.)

  • Squats x 15 with or without toddler attached ("bend like toy let"). Answer questions about "wot u doin? why got arms up?" and count reps with toddler. Apparently repeat squat number 8 a number of times.

  • Arm Raises ("fwying Mum!"). Circle forward x 30, circle backwards x 30. Smile at toddler copying you.

  • Medicine Ball Raises x 15. Squat holding medicine ball (or toddler/other heavy object/pet/appliance). Return to standing, then raise ball above your head. Do NOT respond to requests of "frow it, Mum!"
Phase 2 :
(Child now needs to be seated, or at least out of striking range)
  • Free Weights. (Again, if you don't have access to weights, use heavy household objects - and finally put those engagement gifts to good use). 
     ~Front raises x 15 each arm - raise arm holding weight to shoulder height and return to your side.

     ~Shoulder Fly ("like birdie") x 15 - boths arms simultaneously with bent elbows ala Birdie dance.

     ~Tricep Pushdowns x 15 - mimicking throwing the weight at the floor behind you. Don't release. 

     ~Bicep Curls x 15 each arm - like the boofheads at the gym without the mirror gazing and grunting, unless you feel compelled.

Phase 3 :
  • Floor Exercises - now you two can get really interactive! Toddlers make terrific weight plates.
     ~Crunches x 15 - with legs raised creating "tunnel" for toddler to crawl through or lie in. Alternatively, your  toddler may wish to sit on top of you which is an excellent exercise upgrade.

     ~Crossovers x 15- crunches alternating opposite elbow to knee (difficult to negotiate around a toddler on the tummy - consider it a challenge or cuddle opportunity)

     ~Toe touches x 15 - arms by side, crunching to the same side to touch outside of foot - that's the side without the disgusting bunion things going on if you're me).

     ~Leg Raises - lying on your side, place your top leg in front of the bottom one. Raise your bottom leg off the floor and circle forward x 15 and backwards x 15. Then straighten the top leg and raise it as high as possible. Point your toes on the way up, flex the foot on the way down (watch for toddlers who crawl into the space created on the upward motion.) Turn over and

    ~Bridge ("tunnel gain"). Lie on your stomach, raise up onto your elbows and toes. Attempt to keep your butt down and tummy tight. Hold for 60 seconds or for as long as you can handle the toddler who is now underneath you fiddling with your hair, drawstring, legs, tummy... Note - if you actually have breasts the tunnel may in fact be closed.

Finally, we end with Magoo's alltime favourite - "pull ups time!"
    ~Push ups ("tunnel, Mum, tunnel"). Aim for 20 'man style' , full extension push ups  - no  woosy knees on the floor. Start with a manageable number and increase it by 1 more each session.

So there you go.
"Iz dun!"
In 10 or 15 minutes (20 with excessive toddler interference) you have a nice, energized start to the day.
'They' (whoever 'they' are) say that just that small amount of exercise on an empty stomach keeps your metabolism up for an hour or more.
'I' say that you don't have to brush your teeth, do your hair, get dressed, use a creche or even leave the house to squeeze in some exercise. Sweet.

Now, walk the dog with your toddler in some form of 3 wheeled transport and you can feel great for... as long as you can avoid all those Easter eggs.
Why does chocolate taste so much better when it's egg shaped?
Or LIndt bunny shaped for that matter?

Note - the location of your workout may need to be adjusted on bin truck day to accomodate full view of the front verge at all times.

Disclaimer - I take asolutely no responsibility for injury to adult or toddler parties who willingly partake of this programme.

Shar :-)

No comments: