Monday, April 4, 2011

Opportunity of a Lifetime

Saw this ad in the weekend's papers :

~ Employment opportunity ~


Full time position, - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for life.

Applicant will be required to moonlight as a milking cow, nurse, teacher, behavioural psychologist, counsellor, nutritionist, sanitation officer, sleep technician, timekeeper, umpire and innumerable other professions, often simultaneously, on a daily basis.

This position offers a rollercoaster ride of hormonal highs and lows, a beautiful depth of emotions never before experienced and heartbreak to rival a head on collision.

The clientele are extremely demanding.
They require frequent meals, constant attention, extensive nurturing, excessive cuddling and a firm, fair hand.
Staff meal breaks or recreation periods are virtually non existent - though nutrition and rest are very important in maintaining the energy levels and temperment required for this position

Payment will be in kisses, cuddles, sweet words and smiles...
But in instalments of the client's choosing.

Performance appraisals will be conducted at random intervals and usually by older women. They will generally take place in the comfort of shopping centre queues, doctor surgery waiting rooms, changerooms, congested traffic situations and other child friendly locations.

Dedicated, committed applicants need only apply.

As two friends embarked on this career path last week (on the same day!), I was again  reminded of what an absolutely incredible opportunity it is to do this sacred job.

Not that I need reminding - that huge, gorgeous chunk of my heart that is walking, talking, mischiefing and singing "Happy Birthday" to me in crowded shopping centres (no, it's not my birthday actually, fellow shoppers, but thank you for the wishes anyway) around the place is a constant reminder of how lucky I am.

Yes. The pre employment course for this position is so very inadequate,
but the hands on, on-the-job training has been amazing and so valuable.

The pay is subject to fluctuations, certainly.
Some days the profit margin has been immeasurably, beautifully high
and some days I'm pretty sure I have ran at a loss.

But I wouldn't swap this for the world.
I'm in it for the golden handshake (and those cuddles).

Welcome to the force, girls.
You'll never look back.
(except on the odd Sunday morning because, yes, a cup of tea and the paper in peace - it is too much to ask )

Shar :-)

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