Monday, June 25, 2012

When Did You Become A Mum?

So when did you become a Mum?

For me it was January 2008.
It was from the moment that I saw Magoo's sweet flickering heartbeat on the monitor at 8 weeks pregnant.

I feel that once I am fortunate enough to be carrying a child, my body is no longer my own.
My responsibility is to my baby and my primary concern is for their health.

I can remember feeling fiercely protective of my baby Magoo when at 19 weeks gestation, he wasn't keeping still for the sonographer and she expressed her frustration repeatedly. Grrr - leave my baby alone!

I wanted to rip the cigarette from a stranger's hand when she ignorantly lit up beside my big belly during that pregnancy.

I was a Mum, man.

In my opinion.

I guess the moment in which you become a Mum (or parent) depends on your circumstances and journey into parenthood.

It also depends on your perception of when exactly that colllection of multiplying cells becomes an actual baby, a life.
I recently saw a story in the media on selective reduction.
I don't have an issue with women making choices about their bodies and their lives.

People's decisions are not mine to judge.
The consequences are theirs to bear or enjoy - regardless of what I feel I may do in similar circumstances.

And how on Earth would I know anyway?

I do have an issue with hearing a child in utero described as 'not yet living' though.
One woman's justification when choosing to end the lives of two of her naturally conceived triplets was that 'they're not alive until they're born'.

I disagree.
Ask any unfortunate woman who has, sadly, lost a child before birthing them and I'm sure most would disagree with her statement.

As I listened to her speak, this life inside of me was tumbling and kicking.
Undeniable, beautiful life.
In my eyes.

Right now, I am already feeling like a Mum of two.
Granted, a Mum of two with half the logistical concerns, a spare set of hands and zero nappies at this point!

In recent weeks, I have had a taste of the heart struggles to come as I join the masses of mothers with 1+ children.
The to-ing and fro-ing - balancing the needs of my children.

I have felt for my baby girl when my thoughts have been consumed with her brother's health.

I have felt for my baby girl when eating food was the last thing on my mind - and almost repulsive. And of course, the guilt when I realised I hadn't eaten. Always with the guilt.

I have worried for her health, when my stress levels have seen me sleepless or vomiting with worry and anxiety.

I have felt the guilt that her precious life has taken on a clinical dimension -  that her cord blood/bone marrow/genetic make up has entered discussions about treatment options for Magoo.

I have felt such relief every time I hear that 'Miss Muppet' is doing just fine in there.

I constantly consider this little lady when I think of any aspect of our future.
In my mind, she is already a part of our family.

I can only imagine the intensity that this balancing/juggling act will adopt once she can make her needs felt even more convincingly!

So when did you become a Mum?

Shar :-)


Miss Mandy said...

I became a mum 2 days after my 30th birthday, 4 weeks earlier than I had hoped. I never wanted to be a mother until I was 30. I probably took that a bit too literally.

Nat - Muddy Farmwife said...

I became a Mum the first time I saw that positive line on the pregnancy test, from then I knew things were different, I was a now a Mum forever.
Beautiful posts Shar of what must be such a challenging time for you and the family. Sending lots of love and hugs to you all. xoxox

Karla {Ironmum Karla} said...

I would have to honestly say it has only recently happened..that is enjoying and accepting the mum thing, surrending to the mum thing - It has taken me a while, but man, I love every bit of it now. So blessed and at peace.

I am hoping if you got your test results today that went all ok. thinking of you.x

Kate Sins said...

I don't know. With hindsight I think I can agree with Nat, when I first saw those lines on the pregnancy test, but at the time it wasn't until Chatterbox was born. Weird now I think about it because I'm really not sure. I do know that I didn't feel comfortable being a mum until Chatterbox was four months old. Then it hit me while I was walking down the street one day and literally took my breath away. I was gasping for air, so much was the love I realised I felt.

I've been a bit slow on the reading lately and am just catching up. And sobbing. xo

Maxabella said...

Shar, you've been on my mind day and night. I hope everything is okay. I can't believe the stress you're under. I can't think of anything that I can do for you right now, but if you can think of anything, just say the word!!

When did I become a mum? Yep, the instant I found out I was pregnant. And maybe even a bit before that.


Mama of 2 boys said...

Oh Shar, this is a magnificent post, I really loved it.
My friend who is now 17 weeks pregnant saw that story on 60 minutes (I had not seen it), that very week it aired she had lived through a terrible scare with her 12 week ultra sound. That story almost broke her, but she said strangely she could not look away when it came on. I am glad I didn't see it. Even before my heartbreaking experience earlier this year, I had always considered the minute that test shows up positive... I was a Mama. And like you said fiercely protective against anything that may compromise the precious life inside of me. I don't want to be judgemental either, but sometimes I wish people in general would take a look at the big world around them before speaking or even acting. A little bit of understanding and appreciation for the wonder that is life never goes astray.
More big hugs to you lovely one xoxo

Jane said...

Oh Sweetheart. Goosebumps in Hobart. You know I'm sending you all my love and hope. J x