Thursday, June 21, 2012

Going Got Tough

this week parenting took a turn for the raw, heart wrenching and cruel for Hubby and I.

In our little patch of the universe, things turned on their head.

Our elation at the tumour that wasn't there lurking in Magoo's beautiful head after all was, unfortunately, to be short lived.

On Monday I was told that Magoo's brain scans have shown 'abnormalities'.
'Abnormalities' that point to the likelihood of a disease that is literally eating away at Magoo's brain.

I was alerted that something is possibly attacking him as we cuddle, play, chat, bathe, sleep, eat, laugh, kiss...

Cue the sky falling down in my world.

I struggled this week.

Struggled to reconcile that frightening reality with my everyday privilege that is a gorgeous, articulate, clever, loving little boy.

Struggled to stay upright at times.

Struggled to refrain from screaming at people's mundane complaints and (perfectly valid) whinging.

Struggled to continue on with the day to day when the breath to breath was difficult.

Struggled to hold it together until Magoo was asleep for the night, so that Hubby and I could hold each other and sob freely, questioning and speaking the fears that our eyes were communicating over Magoo's head all evening.

Struggled with early mornings when I had 'that' moment. That sweet moment when you wake and for a split second this isn't happening. It was just a dream. A horrible dream.
Until you realise it wasn't.

This evening we saw a wonderful paediatric neurologist who knows his 'stuff'.
He doesn't yet know exactly what Magoo's 'stuff' is - but, like our beautiful boy, he's a man with a plan.
Many plans.
And tests. So many tests.
Starting tomorrow morning.

So, Hubby and I have found some comfort in these plans and in this doctor whom we can trust.

This parenting gig can be tough.
But Hubby and I - we're tougher.
There's no exit clause but I guarantee that if there were, neither of us would exercise that option.

Our Magoo - he's the toughest of 'em all.
But even toughies appreciate your prayers.

Shar xx


Anna @ green tea n toast said...

Oh my goodness Shar. I am devastated for you. At a loss for words. I'm just so sorry that you all have to go through something like this - the unthinkable - and to go through it pregnant too. I guess there must be so many 'what ifs' at the moment - so I can only help you wish for good news along this journey that you're about to begin.
Stay strong - you and hubby will make a great team. And that little Magoo - he'll be a fighter no matter what crosses your path.
Thinking of you from across the miles. All my love xx

sascedar said...

Oh my, I don't know what to say. I wish you strength for each of those little steps you are about to take. Will be thinking of you, and sending love and light your way. xx Sarah

Coal Valley View said...

I'm speechless Shar. Teary at thinking how you must be feeling. Im just so sorry to hear this. But a man with a plan is a formidable beast and I'm sure Magoo is in the best of hands there. Sending prayers your way. Take care. Love Mel xx

Corinne – Daze of My Life said...

Oh Shar, I'm devastated for you. I was thinking of you last night and had an inkling that something wasn't right. I'm so glad you've found someone who knows their stuff that you can trust. You, your husband and Magoo are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love, hugs and a ton of good energy your way.

Simone - honeyandfizz said...

Sending my prayers out there for you Shar xx

Loz said...

Oh Shar :( My heart just sank reading this. I cannot even fathom what you all must be going through. I am so happy that it sounds like you have a good doctor on the case. I am keeping you and your lovely family in my thoughts.. with you the whole way. Take care and I hope that only good news can come from all this xxxxxxx

Melissa Jane said...

Parenting sure is tough - and then you get a BIGGIE like this. Thank goodness you have each other, and of course, we in the blogging world will be holding you softly in our thoughts.

Jane said...

Oh Shar. You darling girl. Goosebumps and tears in Hobart. Place your trust in your neurologist, Sweetheart. He's the expert. And hug your little man tight. Sending you a huge ♥ J x

Anonymous said...

Hope it all works out for your gorgeous little family Sharon, sending thoughts and prayers your way, Lisa and Holly J xx

Mama of 2 boys said...

Oh Shar, my heart is aching right now. I'm so incredibly sorry to read this news. I wish there was, but I know there is nothing I can say to make it all better. But please know I am thinking of you and sending all my love and positivity for the best of the best outcomes for your beautiful Magoo. And I'm sending extra big hugs for you and hubby too xoxoxoxoxoxo

Miss Mandy said...

Oh God Shar, my eyes are welling up just reading this.
I hope they sort this out, but I can only imagine the long road ahead.
we'll be here sending those postive vibes.

Elisa {with grace and eve} said...

I have a lump in my throat reading this. And I don't know what to write. But I do want to send loads of love and strength to you and your family xx

javajane2011 said...

Oh Shar, Tears and hugs and cuddles... I cant imagine what you are going through... I don't know what to write... but Magoo is a little warrior... with a warrior family behind him.... thinking of you all oh so much... big kisses and prayers for some solid answers xxxxx

MultipleMum said...

That is shit Shar. Just shit. Sending love and hugs. Lots of hugs x

My Mummy Daze said...

Oh my goodness Shar, I'm so so sorry to read this, and so sad I didn't know earlier. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Much love and strength to your little family right now. I'd give you a huge hug if I could xxx

Sonia LifeLoveandHiccups said...

Shar I am so so sorry Hun. I feel like shit because I have been whinging about my own cold and busy load and you, you have something going on no mother should have to deal with. My thoughts and my prayers are with you Hun, that they figure this out Quickly and get Magoo the treatment he needs to deal with things. Stay strong gorgeous girl, we are all sending a million hugs your way xxx