Saturday, January 29, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

Now that I'm old - I'm wise, you see.
Ba ha ha!
Yes to old, no to wise.
But I do wish I'd been kinder to myself in the past.
I wish I had some of the perspective that I have now.
(Now at this precise little, calm moment, when all that I love are safe, healthy and sleeping soundly)
But hindsight is 20 / 20, right?

I'm sure in years to come I'll wish I didn't waffle rubbish about being old and wise when I wasn't either of those, but that's okay.

I would like to go back in time and tell my frazzled, anxious, red-faced, freaking the hell out self
"it's just a phase"
"this too shall pass"
and in the case of baby Magoo's dairy allergy, sometimes it shall pass in an explosive manner
"this will be just one moment, one day, one month in so, so many"

But where were these rational, sane thoughts -

When everyone else was prettier, cooler, taller, faster, richer?

When I let those ugly braces rob me of my smile (and corn) for two years?

When my beautiful little sister was sick, really really sick and I could do nothing but put up 'Popstars' posters for her and make stupid jokes?

When I wanted to curl up and die of acute embarassmentitis at the thought of my dumb mistakes?

When the university I.T. so called 'Help Desk' was anything but and I lost entire assignments while trying to conquer this 'computer business' and move on from my trusty typewriter.

When my heart was smashed into little pieces, my family were gone and I didn't know where I was going to live?

When I presented my thesis at a literacy conference and my trembling hands and legs threatened to cripple me?

When the prospect and logisitics of paying my 'too big for me' mortgage on a single income consumed my thoughts?

When a tiny, fragile, 5 week  Magoo was taken out of my arms and into an operating theatre?

When the same Magoo needed more surgery and a super strong Mama to make sure he got it?

When each night in that god forsaken children's hospital feels like an e-ter-ni-ty of machines beeping, alarms sounding, babies wailing and nurses waking you and bub when you finally manage to shut your eyes for a minute?

When I'd spent hours in our own nursery and was sure that by the time I emerged from my abyss, Hubby would have found himself a new wife?

When Hubby did go away (not with his new wife) and I was so lonely I sat by the open front door bawling with my baby, in the hope that someone in the street would notice?

When that very same Magoo screeeaamed for me as I left him at day care for a whole 5 hours per week last year?

When there was no water station at the 8km or 10km markers in the half marathon and I was so very why-am-I-doing-this thirsty?

When the puppy we were dog sitting last week chewed Magoo's toys, dug holes, wrecked plants, covered the patio in beanbag beans, ripped stuffed toys and continuously wrapped his lead around my legs and every pole in the suburb?
Where will these thoughts be tomorrow or the next day or next week when I'm challenged?
Where will they be when I tackle the Peth Marathon?
Written on my arm, I reckon.




rncalnon said...

I have a bestie that has her own blog. I love her to bits and she is the greatest person to have as a friend. I am extremely envious of her passion for her running, her devotion to being a mother and wife and fabulous friend. I am going to be there for my bestie all the way, with her running and everything!

Melissa said...

Great post. I don't know your story (am about to have a nosy around, hope that's ok. ;-) Found you at the rewind).

I'm sorry for the hard time you had, after you baby was born.

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

This too shall pass is one of my favourite sayings. And 'it's just a phase' has got me through many of the worst aspects of early parenthood.

thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.