Just The One, Then?

It's the way of our society...

New boyfriend?    Lovely.    When are you getting engaged, then?
Engaged?    How gorgeous.    When are you tying the knot, then?
Newylweds?    So romantic.    Babies soon, then?
One child?    Cute.    When's number two, then?
Two children?    Sweet.    When are you going for the third, then?


Heck, I subscribed to this very script myself.


I know it's not personal, but people seem a little preoccupied with my single child situation.
Preoccupied as in sometimes downright obsessed with bullying me about little brothers and sisters, cluckiness and pregnancy detecting.
People as in friends, Hubby's family, playgroup, work colleagues, school parents, the local chemist, our lovely friend at the local IGA, the sweet lady in line at the bank, the guy next to me on the rower at the gym, the Mums at the park, neighbours....

Walking back from the local shops with Magoo the other day, I found myself chanting :
Everywhere we go-o,
Everywhere we go-o.
The people want to kno-ow,
The people want to kno-ow.
How we a-are,
How we a-are.
And where is the ba-by?
Where is the ba-by?

What baby?

(Here's a tip for free- if I thought for a second I was hosting another gorgeous little person in this bod, I would not be pushing it to it's limits for a marathon, would I?)

I absolutely love kids. Always have.
I'm not opposed to having more children.
I certainly don't rally against those who have two, three, seven children.
But why do people feel the need to cheerlead me into another pregnancy?

It doesn't hurt (or enrage) me as those folks who made smart comments and questioned "what are you waiting for?" did -  while I was undergoing fertility treatment before being blessed with Magoo. But it does get me a little defensive at times.

I guess, super sensitive Shar feels that they're insinuating there's something wrong with my family just the way it is. I agree wholeheartedly in the beauty of siblings and am well aware of the drawbacks to being an only child. I am one of three (living) children and love my sister and brother aplenty. I know the statistics regarding maternal age too. But I also know my family.

Sometimes I feel the need to remind people that Magoo is all of two years old, not twelve, and that I have just turned thirty (for a couple of years in a row now - hee hee) and am not quite in my golden years either.

At other times, I'm the one almost apologising for having this one 'easy' child right now. I often feel inadequate as a Mum and that I am so, so inferior to women with more children. I love caring for other people's kids and helping out where I can - but I also feel that it's my duty because "I've only got the one."

I know I can be too hard on Magoo when it comes to my expectations of his social behaviour - and it comes from hearing people discuss 'spoilt only children'. Around other Mums, I even feel guilty that at this time in our life I can enjoy my time/outings with Magoo and that I'm not forever complaining about "my bloody kids" or spending my day yelling.

Hubby (The Unflappable Man)- he takes great pleasure in responding to people's enquiries with a simple, smiling "we don't want more kids." I just about radiate embarassment as their faces register this social faux pas of his and try to work out whether to laugh along, be disgusted, give him the 'joy of kids' lecture or just walk away.

I have many friends trying desperately to expand their families but, unfortunately, Mother Nature is being a little difficult or even downright cruel. Some people I love are unable to have even "just the one" yet. Why do people feel okay about remarking on such a personal choice and issue without having a clue what the reality may be?

Yes, we have probably been a little scarred by Magoo's illnesses, allergies, little birth defects, surgeries and hospitalisations. Yes, we are probably held back by finances and me having no family in this country. Yes, I remember too well how my obstetrician was engaged in some extensive needlework following Magoo's arrival. Yes, we are more than possibly sitting in a comfort zone right now - enjoying our now healthy, happy little man. And yes, there are also people who have lived through far, far, far worse and have huge families.

Who knows what's in store for our little family?

But I do know that if it is meant to be "just the one, then?" that's okay wth me too.

(Apparently not with the people though.)

Does your family fail to meet the expectations of 'the people'?

Shar :-)

Yes, Mum of Only One

Point + Shoot : Triple P

Friday : Well past bedtime o'clock

The smug face of a little boy who knows he should be tucked up in bed.

Instead he was hanging out at a big kids disco @ Mummy's school

followed by a meal of tasty, trans fatty junk goodness!

I shall file this one under 'The Other PPP - *Piss Poor Parenting'.

Especially as I posted this just the other day.

(Not the same establishment, for the record!)

To see much more commendable parenting,

pop over to Lou's Point + Shoot @ Sunny + Scout

Shar :-)

* The Other Triple P is in fact a genuine in house teacher reference!

It is used to describe reasons which may contribute to a student's inability to reach their potential - such as continual late nights, inadequate nourishment for the school day, lack of guidance, general abuse and neglect...

Top Of The Morning (Or End Of The Night)

Sunday 5.55am - Shar:
Wake to the alarm and come up with so many reasons not run : too cold, too dark, rest is important, that dream was funny, forgot to put new tunes on my ipod, don't want to wake up Magoo, Hubby's warm...
Slowly and reluctantly amble out of bed for a lake run.
(Mainly because Hubby is waiting for my return so he can go paddle).
Remind myself that this time next week I will be absolutely freaking out!
Hit the road and look for 'the zone'.
Take deep, fresh breaths, remember why I love this running caper and start to push the legs.

Sunday 5.55am - Some young, probably chemical affected person:
Turn up Nirvana another notch.
Pour another drink and light up another cig.
Push my mate about, laugh and speak/shout incoherently about something or other.
Wonder what the hell that chick is doing running past my porch in the middle of a Saturday night.
Ask the rest of the boys if I'm seeing crap, only to have her run back past like forty minutes later.

My Sunday now starts at the same time that a great night out used to come to an end!
At least I know there are a whole gaggle of bubby Mums up and about too.

Shar :-)

Grateful For ...True Love

This week I am sincerely grateful for

 true love.

The 'get me a bucket' kind.

Love that sees one partner dutifully fetching a bucket for their sweetheart

who sits atop the toilet enjoying a bout of food poisoning.

Oooohhh.

Love that sees a partner calling gorgeous, loving,

intended-to-be-helpful-or-soothing-or-something 

things from outside the bathroom door after being told

"please don't be in here love".

Aaaaahhh.

Love that clearly hears poltergeist style heaving and hurling

interspersed with "Oh God, I'm so sorry" ,"Oh foul, so sorry" ," Oh man, Lord, help meeee" and appears completely unphased.

Aaaawww.

Love that sees a partner kiss their darling as they moan and groan into bed

after trying in vain to scrub the 'I've been to vomit hell and back' stench

from their pores.

Eeeeeww.

Love that doesn't shake it's head or lecture after learning that said sweetheart actually poisoned themselves unknowingly.

Damn you out of date whole egg mayonnaise. How did you slip past the cull?

No prizes for guessing which partner I was.

Totally grateful, honey.

Playing along with Maxabella Loves

Shar :-)

Food For Thought @ Toys R Us

At the risk of being sued by a gigantic corporation (or two), I will simply say

Would you like fries with that?

What the?
Is this really legal in this country?
If it is, where do I march on this one?

Shar :-)

The Unflappable Man

My Hubby.
Never phased. Ever.


Yesterday a simple trip to the bank somehow went down the road of refinancing our entire mortgage and all the accessories that go with.


As my discussions with our personal banker (and Magoo's newest personal fan club member) became more serious, I thought I'd better give Hubby a bit of a courtesy call before le bank and I totally rejigged his single biggest investment.

Exceptional customer service - for the record.

So, Hubby answers, listens to my spiel about how a discussion about our compromised credit cards, ineffective access to our own money and need for an unplanned major expense in the near future somehow led to a never discussed total restructure of our financial situation, a reevaluation of our current mortgage, increased repayments and the creation of new accounts.


Hubby says
"Cool. All good. Go for it hon."
That's it.
No question and answer session, no checking my identity (or today's pharmaceutical consumption), no "are you out of your mind woman, can't we talk about it tonight?", no qualms at all.


Let me ponder the situation reversed...


Hubby calls me from the bank.
I can hear Magoo in the background sweet talking his personal banker friend into giving him more stickers and more of that lovely bank paper.
I smile.
Hubby explains that out of the blue he's about to sign documents scrapping our current contract and increasing our debt.


I shake my head to aid comprehension.
I recoil with a frown.
I hit the roof.
Expletives tumble out of my mouth as I race for the car keys to get down there STAT.
Something similar to "over my dead body you'll refinance without consulting me, you loose cannon." may be heard by the neighbours as I put my foot down.


Not Hubby.
"Cool. All good."


This is why the man sleeps so well at night.

Shar :-)

An Ode To Dumper Friends

I think most of us have one of 'those' cherished friends.

The best kind, really.

The ones who quite appropriately gift you the fridge magnet stating

"You'll always be my friend... You know too much."

I feel for my dumper friend.
She's the (un)lucky one who receives those unedited, not a moment's hesitation texts full of blasphemy and rage - that are really directed at someone else, but sent to her so that I can vent without suffering any repercussions.

She also the one who knows a remorseful, ten-deep-breaths-later follow up call, text, card or gift is imminent.

She's (un)fortunate enough to know way too much about Hubby, my family, work, my post baby body and Magoo..
But, it's okay because she'll love (tolerate) them all anyway. Defend them even!


The Dumper friend is the one who contends with all the to-ing and fro-ing.
The one who knows all the options considered and every thought process that leads to a decsion.
Dumper friends know that a light hearted phone message about trying again later means "Call me back. Now. I need you. Quick."
The person who it's okay to forego the niceties with and start a conversation with "What the _________..." or "Hey, am I overeacting_________...?"


Thankfully, it's a two way street.
It warms the cockles of my heart to hear my dumper friend say
"I was going to clean up/cook,/vacuum/shower,/dress/brush my hair, then I remembered it was just you."
Is there a bigger, sweeter compliment than that?
Or the rescue call you get immediately after the stuff has hit the fan.
Or while it's still flying around the place.
Talking through crises and decisions, talking down panic attacks, talking up the positives, laughing at all the rest.

Dump and let dump!
Do you dump on a particular one or two in your life?

Shar
:-)

**
In celebration of dumper friends I'm releasing whole range of construction machinery themed friends.
As well as the
Dumper friend - who you dump all your baggage, problems, issues, frustrations, celebrations and trivial bits on - in the healthiest sense of the word,
there are;
Forklift friends - those who lift you up when you require it,
Crane friends - who share the highs and hang around as long as you need,
Excavator friends - who can dig deep and get you dishing the dirt,
Loader friends - those who take dumping too far and load every last insecurity, problem or issue on you and make them your fault,
Mixer friends - those who stir trouble for the fun of it - beware,
Roller friends - who steam roll you with their opinions, views, beliefs, advice,
Tractor friends - who always pitch in, lend a hand and get the job done.

Most are appropriate for leaning on in times of trouble or making a big, happy mess with when the sun shines.

I shudder to think what kind of huge, old, dirty machine I am.
I do know I'm a tough, thirsty one though!!